Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
