i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This toilet bowl is my home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
