Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Slut skills are useful in every country.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
