I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
