So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
