im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
