Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize