Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
