I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
