I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
