Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
