you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
