i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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