Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
