I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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