Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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