i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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