listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
