Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
