Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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