I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
