is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
