she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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