if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
