to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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