The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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