And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
