I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
