AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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