I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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