$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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