Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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