I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i think i just lost a toe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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