i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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