I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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