I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
