great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
