Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
