i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
