So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How does one acquire holy water?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
