Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
