you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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