Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
