i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
