It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
