Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
