Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
