I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
