i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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