I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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