nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
