Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
