His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
