when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
