I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
