I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
