I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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