It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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