yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
