The beer is more important than you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
