i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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