make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
