she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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