i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
