the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
