gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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