cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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