So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
