Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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