No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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