dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
True college students do jello shots in the library
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
