farters have to be the big spoon...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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