I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize