I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
