Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
