Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
