is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
