hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
