i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
