I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
farters have to be the big spoon...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
