Who did Billy Mays play for?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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