I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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