his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
